This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
