How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
