His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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