no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
