im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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