Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
