i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
