Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
