I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
