People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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