He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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