4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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