So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
