Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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