She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
