wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
