I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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