Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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