Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
