OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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