dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
