I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
