carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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