Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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