a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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