You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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