Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
