There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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