Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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