your parents love me but you hate me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
