Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it because I queefed?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i came on her dog
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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