Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she told me i tasted like america
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
