what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
