the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
