I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
