it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
