I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
