It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
