This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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