high people should be assigned attendants
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
