so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
