he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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