Will you blow on my dice?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
