Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
