just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
