Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
