i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
