So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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