My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
