No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
