Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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