Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
