Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize