if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i out mim tonsoeep
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