Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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