i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize