atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
