my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
im on a boat
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