Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
