we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
