I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it glows. i had to have it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
