When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
they call him Oral-B. enough said
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
