I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So vagazzling was a success
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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