you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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