Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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