The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
