I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
