I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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