you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
