Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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