can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
